You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
