in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
