dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
