Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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