Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
