i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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