evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
