Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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