guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
