Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize