dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize