what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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