I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
