You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
