whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
