Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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