I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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