if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize