I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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