I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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