I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
