The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
