My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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