like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
