bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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