Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
