I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
