Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
