She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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