This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
