dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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