Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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