just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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