so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Even my vagina gasped.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
