So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize