Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have already put on my inside pants.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
