so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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