He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
