I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
