Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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