That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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