It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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