all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
