I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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