they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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