Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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