I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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