Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
