No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
