Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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