I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
