we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
