Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
