i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
