I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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