he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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