New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
