Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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