I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
