hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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