I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize