I think my vagina is haunted
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
