I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
