I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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