my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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