Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
