So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize