Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
