Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
