remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize