My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
